Day 5 and Counting....

After months of denial and self destruction, I finally decided to stop making excuses and get back on plan. So last Wednesday night I had my last "non-safe" meal and haven't looked back. But unlike past resolutions to start my plan - it didn't come from a "last night" binge, or with lots of fanfare. It came in quietly - with me deciding as I was at Whole Foods, that this was it. That it was time. Time for me to finally make the changes and start taking back control. And this time, things feel completely different! They feel right... I don't have any fears or anxiety about situations. Yes, I have to make sure that I'm prepared, and I will have a few slips here and there, but I'm not overwhelmed like I've been in the past. However, detoxing from the "evil" food (as I like to refer to them) was not as pleasant as my decision...

Day 1 was about as bad as it could get. I won't lie. By mid afternoon, I had a vicious headache, one that forced me to leave the office at 3:30. By the time I got home, it had only gotten worse. I was in bed by 8, and woke up with a migraine a few hours later. I'm not sure how much good sleep I got, but I think around midnight, my headache had dulled enough for me to fall asleep.

Day 2 started off with a headache, thankfully not as bad as Day 1, but by the afternoon had started to go away. This of course was replaced by mood swings (David is a Saint for putting up with these). David and I met with a mortgage consultant, and afterwards had planned on going shopping - however, neither of us had discussed dinner plans - which for someone who can't eat Gluten, Soy, Casein and Yeast - is a bad thing. Finally, after getting frustrated (me) I just decided the best thing was to be home (of course, since this was a mood swing moment, it wasn't as sweet and nice as I write here). After continuing my temper tantrum, I had dinner... and it was off to an early bedtime - 9:30 this night.

Day 3 was supposed to be a productive day of house cleaning. However, after being a slug for most of the day, I finally decided we needed to get out of the house to improve our day, and to do damage repair from my tantrums the night before. So at 4:30, we both got dressed and headed to Perrywinkles to look at some potential birthday presents for me (Staxx rings - they rock!) and to look at some new houses (in case the one we're looking at falls through). Then we had a great dinner at Five Guys (sans bun or cheese - the management even cleaned the grill before they cooked my hamburger so there wouldn't be any cross contamination... cool, huh!?).

Day 4... With the harder of the days behind me, I woke up to great expectations for what I wanted to accomplish. My plan to clean house all day backfired, again, because of my slug mood, however, around dinner (which was a late 9:15 safe-pancake dinner) something came over me... By the time I had gone to bed, all the dishes had been washed / sink scrubbed... I had created my Control Journal (see FlyLady.net)... and I was looking forward to the week ahead. The biggest change today though, was the sense of calm that had finally settled around 10. This calm that there wasn't going to be other trials or tribulations to start my program. That this was the time that it was going to work.

And that brings us to today... Day 5. I have been more productive today than I've been in quite some time (actually since last December when I kicked the "evil" foods the first time). I washed and dried a load of towels while getting dressed. I finished an audit that I have been working on at work (half-heartedly) for the past 6 weeks, and I am looking forward to my next project assignment. As for my mood... I feel happy, energized, and excited! I feel like I'm rediscovering my old self - so much so that I'm going to an DZ Alumni Open House tonight!

Yep... Things are different this time! And I'm can't wait to enjoy the ride...

Taking Care of Myself

After my rant and self-bashing post, I realized that I needed to take a step back and put things into perspective.

What I discovered was that I am making strides. I am getting upset with myself for the past 6 months. I mean, it's only been 6 months that I have had answers to why I've have felt so awful for the past 8 years and know the root cause (in my opinion) to the PCOS, and all my other issues.

For any normal person, just getting a diagnosis that they have high blood pressure or cholesterol problems is a shock. But I was diagnosed with something that requires a complete and permanent change in lifestyle. I have to cut out 4 major food groups from my diet - all knowing that number could increase as we do more testing. So I have to realize that this will take time to learn and modify 34 years of habits.

I've had 3 doctors ask me what can I eat if I have to cut out foods containing gluten, casein, soy and yeast. They then say "it's hard to cut out just one of those groups, much less all four". What I tell them, is that I can eat any and all meats, fruits, and vegetables - no marinades, no processed foods, but that I have plenty of options. And you know what? I do have plenty of options!

I have discovered that I am not alone. I have found an entire "gym" (love my CrossFit buddies) that willingly follow this program - and not because they are intolerant, but because they believe this is the correct way to eat - Paleo. I have found blogs and message boards, and support groups with others in my shoes. Some have one intolerance they live with, others have 20!

I have discovered that I have amazing team of doctors. Of the doctors I've visited, only one has been completely resistant to the lab results. From what I've researched, this is uncommon. My PCP is excited to have "someone who does their research" and has ordered tests for Vitamin Deficiencies (for the malabsorption) and has referred me to a GI Specialist for additional testing. And it's because my infertility doctor agreed I was exhibiting signs of a Gluten Intolerance did I get tested in the first place. First doctor that I presented my symptoms... when most take years of presenting their symptoms for someone to finally agree and help them out.

Last but not in all the least, I have discovered that I have an amazing husband, as well as a great support system with family and friends. My husband does as much research as I do. He's always trying to find new recipes for us to try. Without my asking, he cleaned out our pantry of most of the offensive foods. He goes grocery shopping - and even checks the labels. He is, by far, one of my strongest advocates and is there to back me up when needed. Most of my family is there 100% for support, offering recipes and books to read. Others are supportive, but not understanding - this will come in time.

Now to only discover that I can do this. Reflecting on where I was just a year ago, frustrated over a sunburn that turned into psoriasis, and where I am today, having all the answers, I realize that I can do this. I was set and determined to find answers - so much so that I spent hours and hours researching and reading and researching more that I found my answers. I now need to take these answers and apply them.

So... with that said I CAN do this! I WILL do this. I will reclaim my health. I will reclaim my enthusiasm and vibrance. I will conquer this inner brat, and stop being self destructive. And as the quote on my calendar says today...

"Know first, who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly." -Epictetus

Enough is Enough!! I've had it....

I've had it with myself that is. I am tired of this self-destructing behavior! I'm not sure where this comes from? Am I afraid of succeeding? What is going on in this stupid brain of mine?!

I wrote on here 3 weeks (yes, 3 weeks) ago that I was starting back on my plan (I have decided to call it that... it's easier). So I bought the Paleo Diet book and read it in one day! I was gung-ho on starting back... excited to be jumping back on the plan. The plan of course to rid my food of anything that's not good for me. Again, this isn't to just loose the 70-80 pounds I have to loose - this is to rid my body of the evils that keep making me sick. You know... the gluten, casein, soy and yeast.

So I did great for week 1. I tracked all my meals (even the bad choices) on Livestrong, making sure to have equal portions of good carbs, fat, and protein. Even making sure I was getting in at least 64 ounces of water in each day. I lost 4 pounds (and not just water weight) that week. Then something happened... I fell off completely and within 1.5 weeks, I've gained back those 4 pounds + one (nice huh?).

It, of course, doesn't help that I haven't been able to get my time at CrossFit. This stupid sprained ankle isn't getting better (8.5 weeks and counting). I'm back in Physical Therapy so I'm hoping that will start to strenghten and heal, but 2 weeks in, things are still status quo on the healing front - and some days are just as bad as the first 2 weeks after I sprained it. I have gotten in 2 workouts this week at CrossFit, but when you're lifting weights and not able to get the little extras in, those don't seem to matter much.

So here's the deal... I am back to my daily headaches (most of the days they are here all day), feeling run down marathon exhausted, eating Tums & Pepto Tabs like they are candy, feeling iritable & moody (sorry David), bloated, etc. Urgh! I hate feeling like this!!!!

Getting back on track

Now that the Anniversary trip has been booked, I need to get back on track. I fell off my eating plan about 3 months ago, although I have continued to work out. Problem is, this isn't just a diet - I of all people wish it were. I love food! I wish I could just buckle down, eat healthy (lower calories, more fruits and veggies) for a few months to loose weight and have an occasional cookie, or piece of bread. But I can't!

So, I need to realize that no matter how much I try to make these food intolerances go away (by either ignoring all my symptoms, or believing that I was delusional, as one doctor told me), that they're real for me and I need to start eating accordingly. Otherwise I'll continue to have daily headaches, itchy skin, acne, exhaustion, moodiness, and stomach cramps.

Since I now have a date to shoot for to be at my healthiest state ever (Nov 27th), I can maybe use that as a focusing point. So today, I am recommitting to following the Gluten-Free, Soy-Free, Casein-Free, Yeast-Free plan. Not sure what to really call it yet... I don't like the word diet as it's not temporary, and I think as soon as I realize this, it'll finally click.

So... This is my pledge to relearn how to eat and forgive myself for any mistakes I make along the way. I understand this will take awhile to master, as I have 34 years of habits to change, but I can do this. I can be the healthy person that I am meant to be. I also pledge to loose 75 pounds by November 27th and be bikini ready our Anniversary Trip - which equals around 12.5 pounds per month.

Finally... Anniversary Trip Booked

Update: David and I were forced to cancel our trip due to injuries I suffered in April that weren't healing. About 3 weeks before we were supposed to leave, I also contracted H1N1, and was layed off. We are hoping to reschedule our Anniversary trip once I am healed and when we both have jobs. Will post a new topic when we reschedule.

After about 6 months of dreaming, researching, talking, discussing, dreaming some more, and driving our travel agent crazy (she had to put up with me for 72 hours) we finally booked our 10-year Anniversary Trip!!!!

picture from flickr.com L_Savage

We are going to the Excellence Resorts in Riviera Maya, Mexico. The resort is an all-inclusive, adults only resort. There are 6 pools and 5 Jacuzzi's on the resort... Not that I really care about the 5 Jacuzzi's spread around the resort, because our room has a private Jacuzzi on the deck.



There are 8 different restaurants and 10 bars, so we'll get to our choice of foods, including: French, Mexican, Mediterranean, Italian, Asian / Japanese, Lobster House and a Grill. Our room even has a mini-refrigerator and bar that is stocked with water, beer, juice, sodas, and liquor. Going all-inclusive, we won't have to worry about what we want to eat (because the lobster is already paid for) or whether we drink all the beer in our room (they'll just restock... and there won't be an extra charge)! The best thing about this resort is that they're able to work around my food intolerances - they have already put a note in our file, and have told me what I need to do when I get to the resort, to make sure the right people know. How amazing is that?! I won't have to stress about what I can / can't eat.

In addition to the wonderful food choices, there are so many wonderful activities that we'll get to do from kayaking, snorkeling, beach volleyball, lazing in a hammock over the pool, bocce ball, windsurfing, dancing lessons, and even cooking lessons.

We've even already decided on some excursions that look like so much fun! Xel-ha, which is the largest natural aquarium park and a day trip to Maroma Beach, which includes a James Bond style boat ride.

Xel-ha

Most importantly, we'll be able to have lots of romance. I mean the primary reason for this trip is to celebrate our 10th Anniversary!