Friday, March 26, 2010

I am not F'ing Delusional !!!!

So, this post is going to be me venting about some deep rooted frustrations I have at the moment.

Back in December 2008, when I was diagnosed with an intolerance (allergy, sensitivity, whatever you wish to call it), to Gluten, Casein and Soy, I had a moment of "Great! Now I know what's been behind all my issues, including the one for not being able to become a Biological-Mom during these many many years." I was even met with some great support and words of encouragement, by the most important people in my life, as well as some surprising sources.

Quick Side Note: I had met with my Fertility Specialist, OB/GYN, and Primary Practitioner (who was concerned with the amount of times I was in his office each year for sinusitis and bronchitis.) And even though they didn't have the proper tools to test, they agreed that I need to be tested for Non-Celiac Gluten Intolerance. I found the lab to do the tests, sent off my samples, received the results that it was not only Gluten and Casein, but also Soy - never expected the last one. Anyway... you may continue reading my rant now....

It's because of one of these past-supportive sources that I went to a GI - recommended, because "they know everything, they're an expert." However, what I was met with at the doctors office was a complete opposite reaction. Instead of having a doctor go through my symptoms, and truly listen to my complaints and to go through my results, I was met with something that caused a severe mental block to my desire to go forward and conquer.... he actually uttered the words "You're just delusional. But if it makes you feel better to not eat those foods, then that's all I can say. You're not Celiac" (I never mentioned I WAS!!! or that I had an inkling!! I already knew this because my Primary did his job and ran those blood tests!!) But that doctor left the room with me literally crying to his nurse practioner... trying to understand what just happened. A minute later, he screamed at his nurse to follow him because he needed her with another patient.

The next 12 months was met with me battling my truth. It was hard for me to commit, knowing that someone (who was supposed to be in a respectable / influential position) had called me DELUSIONAL!! It took me until this past February, a sprained ankle that took 8 months to heal, a horrific battle with the swine flu / severe bronchitis, another bout of a double ear infection, sinustis and bronchitis (all in 2 months), and other health issues for me to realize and come to terms that I am NOT DELUSIONAL!! And the more that I denied my findings and ingested the poisonous ingredients, the more my body would react and take longer in healing.

With that said, I have been 100% faithful to my program for 5 weeks now. I still have some great support, but the two support tiers that I need the most aren't there. They have followed the mentality of the doctor... that I am in fact delusional and that I am just on some fad diet to lose weight.

But you know what!? I don't need your f'ing support.... I have faith in myself, my creator, the doctors that have supported me and my test results, my other genuinely supportive people in my life and most importantly, my amazing husband. And with that, since you don't want to believe and trust in me, I can no longer surround myself with the negativity until I have mastered this DRASTIC lifestyle change... and undo 35 years of damage that those poisonous ingredients have caused me. So until then keep your invitations and delusions about me to yourself!

I am STRONG and I will learn to live with this....


Keisha said...

I am so very proud of you for your 5 weeks of good eating!! I know you can keep it up -- and I hope everything else comes around for you. I love you bunches!!

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